Life is full of them. It’s hard to get away from them. Maybe it was the trip you were waiting on, or the invite from a friend, or maybe the grade you wanted on a paper. Perhaps, it’s someone you trusted and they just used you, or it’s a guy/girl that you met and they didn’t turn out to be who you thought they were. You get the idea. It’s hard to know how to react to these situations, when you’ve done your best to not be in that situation, yet you find yourself in the middle of it.
A great man once said that, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies. Thanks for that Shawshank Redemption. Hope may be a great thing, that keeps you going, but iit is also the root of all disappointment. I have hoped for and still hope for a lot of things. But alas, I can’t describe the feeling of disappointment when it doesn’t go to plan regardless of how much I’ve worked towards it.
There are times when I feel disappointed in myself and I work to remedy that. So that next time I’m better prepared for it. But it’s the worst when I feel disappointed in someone because of their actions. You see the thing with trusting someone is that there shouldn’t be an inch of doubt that they may ultimately turn around and betray the trust. But what do you do when that does happen? When you’re just collateral damage in a game they are playing. Do you confront them? Or just be silent in a corned and hope that karma arrives on time and bites them where the sun don’t shine?
I will lash out, I will scream, I may event act out in some ways but they couldn’t care less about the effect it has had on me, whilst I lay in bed holding back the tears. Perhaps, I will give them a taste of their own medicine and will create situations where I will disappoint them over and over. Maybe I need to be more vengeful, I don’t know. But let’s be real, somehow that always backfires because you think that you can disappoint but they end up getting double. Somehow they are always right and I’m always wrong. These are the complexities of my mind. How do I get over them and not be disappointed in people or things?
Maybe I’ll move away from those who raise my hopes only to bring them crashing down. Maybe I might even stop communicating with them. Ultimately, the only person you can really trust is yourself. And this is why in a world full of people, I am alone because no matter what, I try to not disappoint myself.
Until next time,